Every now and then something comes up and I think about morality and how moral are we as human beings, really? Of course everyone wants to think of themselves as good (and moral). What’s good, though? Because despite our ideas and romantic notions, we always have to consider our survival first. From observing people all my life, it seems that often what’s good is what’s good for survival and not objectively good. I’m not coming from a holier than thou perspective here. It applies to me as well as anyone else.

A perfect example of this is a recent experience I had. While on vacation, I found out there was a slaughterhouse very close by. This caught me completely off guard. It chilled me to the bone. I immediately had this image pop up in my mind of innocent cows, chickens and pigs being carted in and slaughtered in a assembly line fashion. This came to me unbidden, totally out of nowhere and I felt sick.

I love animals. I look any animal in the eye and can see it has a presence. They are so beautiful, like works of art. It’s heartbreaking to read about how they are treated in these factory farms. But… I’ve been eating meat all my life. I wasn’t asked about this, no one really is. It just happens growing up if your family is a meat eating family. You accept this is how it is and don’t think about it often. I think this is as easy as it is, because you don’t see the whole process. Ignorance is bliss, in this case especially. I guarantee if I actually had to go slaughter my own meat, I probably wouldn’t be able to do it.

Then all these justifications came up in my mind such as:
Well, it’s necessary to eat meat to get all the vitamins / minerals you need to be healthy. It’s natural, it’s the way nature works and this is how the world is. Animals kill other animals to survive. It’s too hard to not eat meat, I’m used to it. My meals will be boring without it. I’m not slaughtering the animals, so it’s ok.
I’m not saying these thoughts are accurate or justify it, it’s just what came up in my mind.

Even as I write this weeks later, the experience is becoming just a distant memory. We forget things that aren’t convenient to remember.

So what I can do at this moment?

I’ve already been buying most of my meat from Butcherbox and will continue to do so, which at least is certified humane. And I will continue to look for that label when I buy meat. I don’t eat a ton of meat either, never really have. Maybe I can cut back some more. It’s a part of my diet, but not the majority of it. I’ve experimented with vegan options of meats and cheeses, but I’m also trying to cut down on heavily processed foods so I don’t want to eat a ton of that stuff either. It’s unclear to me whether that stuff would be healthier, so I can research that more. I do like tofu, so I’ll have that occasionally.

But this was a small increase in my awareness. An uncomfortable realization, or maybe more of a reminder about how I survive in the world.