For the longest time I felt that extroversion was something forced upon me.  I always loved being alone, but often felt this pressure to go and socialize. I think society is set up like this for a reason – because certain people / institutions benefit from social controls.  The more social, the more time you spend with others, the more others have an influence on you, especially if you are getting your energy through spending time with others. Then you can be more easily controlled through others.  That’s why I think that being an extrovert is celebrated in our society more than being an introvert.  The more extroverted you are, the more you socialize and naturally, the more you will care about what others think.  Most of this occurs unconsciously, via lifelong habits we are indoctrinated with early on.  It also fits in with the capitalist, consumer culture. If you aren’t trying to impress others or relate to them, you may find many purchases become unnecessary. Things may have changed from when I was a kid, but I remember introversion being treated as a negative quite often. As in ‘that kid is quiet, doesn’t talk much’ or ‘those people in the neighborhood that don’t talk to anyone’.  It makes sense, if being social is important, then of course you can’t encourage those who simply don’t thrive on that.

The older I get though, the more I love to be alone.  It’s not that I don’t like being around people, but I find the more I’m around people in general, the less I’m doing what I want to do. Also, I find the shallow, busy body, nosy, judgmental type people just not worth my time. And many people are like that. I don’t know if that’s truly how they are or if they just act like that because it’s more comfortable for them. But regardless, my life greatly improved when I stopped engaging with people like that. When I was younger and at my most social, I liked myself the least and it was no coincidence that I was mostly not doing what I wanted to do. I also remember feeling trapped.  Being around others limits you in many ways.  There’s now someone you have to get along with and often that requires modifying your behavior. Also, I find myself being polite and not saying certain things in an effort to get along, but notice many people do not have the same courtesy. So why put up with them? Oh, not to mention if you want to cut ties with someone at some point because you realize your values no longer coincide … seriously expect major drama from that. It’s actually kind of funny. People seem to think you are beholden to them. OMG a sacred commitment that you are horrible for wanting to break. When in reality, what’s really going on is that are getting something from you (at your expense of course) that THEY don’t want to lose. Instead they behave as if you need to drop what your doing to accommodate them! Even more of a reason I am EXTREMELY careful who I allow into my life now. I think being an introvert has at least to degree spared me from much useless, unnecessary drama and problems.

I realized that most of what you think you’re getting from people is an illusion, a story you tell yourself or a story that’s told to you over and over again by others that you truly believe as if it’s the one and only reality.  It can be a very useful distraction if there are things you don’t want to face about life.

Unless, of course, your survival really depends on someone in particular, because if it does, then you do have to make sure that person(s) approves of you and what you do.  Actually, I think the more you want from others, the more you have to care what they think and the more they have control over you. That’s why I’ve worked hard at becoming as self sufficient as possible.  Part of that is financial independence from others, I think that’s the foundation. But just as important is really knowing what you are expecting from others on a conceptual level in your mind. Do you want approval? Or acceptance? Why? What does that actually do for you or change in your life? And why does someone else need to give it to you? Does someone’s approval really change reality or is it just feeding a delusion in your own mind? You think you’re getting something, but it slips a bit further away each time. You never really get it.

I may be different from most, but my greatest value is freedom.  I don’t mean freedom to do whatever crazy thing I want, but freedom from society’s traps, freedom to spend my time as I choose, to do things independently as I choose and with the people I choose. To me, that is the greatest luxury.