This is a cautionary story about finding a passion that ends in tragedy and also my ‘discovery’ of the meniscus.

I used to be a wallflower. Even though I have always very much loved music, I felt way too self conscious to dance at social events. What a freaking waste. This was the situation until my 20s when I discovered – DDR! It completely changed everything for me. I’d play for hours, by myself, with a friend or with my sister. I think this is what ended up helping me find my rhythm and eventually giving me the confidence to dance.

Then, I remember I was at a wedding and the song Whine Up was playing and I just decided to do it, I hit the dance floor. And I danced for the remaining time I was there and had such a good time. Social events all of a sudden became fun. After that, I started to go out to clubs with my friend and we’d just dance, for hours. I even won the dance competition at work one year. I was dancing at home, just for exercise on a regular basis and I remember how great it felt. I’ve never been one to enjoy exercising and I never seemed to feel the endorphins that many claim are a thing when you exercise. Exercise kind of made me feel like shit, actually. I tried jogging, but it was really difficult for me because it didn’t feel very good. But dance definitely brought those endorphins out, it was a high I’ve never felt doing anything else and it was exercise! Win-win.

I enjoyed years of dancing, just for fun. It put me in a flow state so easily, unlike anything else could and has since. I think it reminded me of something I realized when I was a kid. I just enjoy movement. When I was a kid, I’d love to run around outside, climb trees and bushes, ride my bike, swim.  I remember I used to run and jump and swing myself over the fence we had around the back yard. I loved the sensation of flying through the air. I’d jump down from a tree and climb higher and higher, always challenging myself. That’s what dance reminded me of. I’d spin around and around and it brought that feeling back to me.

The tragedy is that I wasn’t very careful. I’d been so accustomed to being able to do anything I wanted physically, without thought and without being injured. Of course as you get older this no longer remains the case and luck eventually runs out. I’d fallen down stairs in my house a few times over the years, fallen on ice multiple times and even fell with my motorcycle in my early 20s. But that can’t last forever and I hit a breaking point at age 29. I think the nail in the coffin was that I didn’t really ever stretch (so horrible). For some reason, I never enjoyed it or got into stretching and it seemed pointless at the time. So weird, because I really enjoy stretching now, I guess I never really gave it a chance. I was also playing tennis randomly and landed hard on the center of my foot a few times. After that my knee hurt in a way I’d never noticed before, for about a day or two. Then it felt ok again. But I think that was the turning point.

One night, I was dancing at a work party, it was a couple hours in and I was wearing heels (OMG : |) and I stepped weird and literally something snapped. I knew by the pain I felt, there was no way this was just a temporary thing. And I had to limp when I walked afterwards. The next day my entire knee was swelled up and I had that feeling of deep regret. I tried to wait it out to see if it would just go away, but deep down I knew it wouldn’t.

A year later I realized I had to get a meniscectomy, I could not escape my fate. My knee kept locking up every few weeks / months. This terrified me, as I’d never had any kind of real surgery at a hospital. It ended up not being too bad and I got through it. About two years ago, I had to get the meniscectomy again and it was really no big deal. The problem is, the meniscus doesn’t come back and can’t really be repaired. It has to be removed if torn, usually. And for something I’d never heard of before I injured it, I’ve discovered the hard way that it is actually quite important. It’s the cushion of the knee joint. And knees are very important for the movement that I took very much for granted. It affects the whole body, really. Once this cartilage is damaged, it’s no longer the same. That’s why I think I tore it a second time and that time – I literally wasn’t doing anything! I was sitting on the couch and I bent my legs in what I thought was a normal, natural way and I heard a crack! It didn’t even really hurt at first. But I knew what it was because again, my knee would lock up, I couldn’t walk normally.

Please take care of your knees and your body. I wish I wouldn’t have taken it for granted. Maybe it would have happened anyway, the meniscus is the most common knee injury, after all. If this is the worst that life throws at me (which I doubt), then I’m grateful. But I still feel like it was my carelessness that caused it. Even though I can do most things, I have to be careful now. I don’t dance anymore and that really sucks. Maybe I could, but I don’t want to risk further damage, especially after the second surgery. I no longer wear heels and I feel like it was stupid to ever wear them to begin with, let alone dance with, as they aren’t good for your body. I exercise every day now for a half hour, minimum but I do feel limited in what I can do. I do knee exercises every other day and stretch every day. I exercise and stretch my back, because that’s another thing that is so important that I don’t want to injure.

Still, this story wasn’t meant to be depressing. Actually, I now view my experience as just a step along my creative journey. Because I truly believe that dance reawakened my creativity and my love for music! It brought me back to singing and made me want to learn to play piano. So, I’m very grateful for the experience. And I recommend dance to anyone who physically able – there is nothing that will put joy into you faster or more effectively, whether you are good at it or not.