You don’t need anyone to tell you who you really are.  Deep down, you just know.  Unfortunately, that can get completely lost in the process of growing up.  For some, it’s easier to maintain their inner truth, and they don’t wander too far off track. But for me, well, I literally went 180 degrees in the opposite direction.

As a child, I did what I liked.  I created art, sang, and danced.  Then, around 6th grade, it felt like a flame inside me was extinguished.  I think it started initially because of school and the feedback from my family had made it seem like art was beneath me or not worth my time. I started feeling foolish for spending my time drawing.  I couldn’t even think that I wanted to be an artist, let alone say it out loud. This is something I clearly remember happening.

Looking back, there was also lack of inspiration around me.  People are influenced by those around them and their environment, of course I didn’t realize this at the time.  Back then, I didn’t have the endless inspiration the internet offers, the internet wasn’t mainstream and YouTube didn’t even exist.  There wasn’t much creativity around me, my friends weren’t artists, my parents didn’t care for art and I spent a lot of time watching TV (what a waste).

I think it’s always useful to have a backup plan and to do well in school.  Actually, I did very well in school.  But I stopped creating almost completely for years.  And no surprise, those years were the worst years of my life.  I didn’t feel motivated.  I felt lost, didn’t know what I wanted and spent time with people I probably shouldn’t have.  I thought I was inevitably headed to a job I would hate, and that I had no escape from that.  Not surprisingly, that didn’t make me feel very good.  

I spent years pursuing someone else’s goals, not realizing that’s what I was doing.  I have a degree in accounting and one in computer programming.  The degree in accounting really wasn’t for me.  It helped me for sure and I learned a lot about business, but my heart was never in it.  The computer programming degree was the product of me waking up one night at 3am and realizing I had to change my path.  It’s so hard to explain, but I knew I couldn’t maintain my current path and be successful long term.  And really that second degree did change my life.  It gave me options I would not have had otherwise.

I’m not telling this background story to depress anyone or to bitch about how awful my life was. I’ve been very fortunate.  Looking back, it’s easy to say “I should have done this or that”.  Though honestly, I don’t know how else it could have happened.  I had to learn what I learned, experience the growth that was necessary. And my two degrees have put me in a stronger financial position, through the jobs I was able to get.  I was able to make decent money and while money has never been my ultimate goal, it’s a necessary tool for success.   

At the end of the day, supporting yourself is a basic necessity if you want to survive, whether you have a passion or not. Also, money is strongly linked with independence and that is one of my top values.  My main regret is that I didn’t keep working on art and music when I had all the time in the world.  Because before age 18 or even 21, you likely have the most free time you will ever have in your life.  I still regret how I squandered it.  If you did something from age 10 – 20, you could become a master at it!

After my second degree, crazy things happened that I didn’t plan. Things I couldn’t have predicted.  It’s like I stepped onto another path that took me in a different direction.  I started playing piano.  I ended up moving far away, with a job lined up.  Things just fell into place.  I was able to start over completely and this really helped me.  I got into singing.  And a few years later I found out about a year long online program called the Milan Art Mastery program, which I immediately signed up for.  Ever since then I’ve been painting almost every day.

That’s the point of this story.  If you have a passion, you need to put time into it, every day.  It has to become a habit.  I finally learned that lesson, many years late.  But I learned it and now I feel great, and I feel like I am on the right path.  You see, music and art have given me something that is so valuable.  The real value is internal, not external at all.  I feel authentic in a way that I never did when I was younger.  It’s given me confidence, patience and discipline.  It’s literally changed my brain.  This is the path of mastery.  It has nothing to do with money or validation, though these things are often the byproducts of mastery.  Much of this comes with age, but I don’t need or seek other people’s approval anymore.  It’s just what I want to do and it gives me so much joy.  

So, if you have a passion that maybe you’ve been ignoring, why not put in 15 minutes a day for a start?  Just give it a try, you never know where it will take you.