One of the most important lessons I’ve learned in my life is to never allow others to tell me what’s possible for myself.  When we are young, other people greatly influence our thinking and we have no control over this.  I’ve heard multiple times that from age 0-7, we just absorb information without question. Though this may be necessary for children, it still seems kind of terrifying to me. Sometimes I look back and wonder how the course of my life was influenced by those around me.  It seems really messed up that you’re at the complete mercy of others when you are young and helpless, and worse still, none of us choose the people around us.  How strange that your very mind and world view are literally shaped and controlled by other people.  They tell you what’s possible and very often, they tell you what you’re capable of.

I remember a time when I didn’t question those with “authority” around me and just accepted what they said and believed.  Beliefs, opinions, preferences were inherited.  However, this inherited mindset has been slowly dissolving over many years.  I have always been the type to question things and see inconsistencies.  It became clear to me at an early age that reality often didn’t conform to what the people in my life said and believed.  I don’t know how I broke through, because how can you know what you don’t know?  Maybe it was all the books I read and my effort at being aware and simply watching, paying attention.  I remember questioning things and others just not seeing it or becoming argumentative and defensive when certain things were questioned.  Can people control their level of awareness?  Throughout my life I have been at different states of consciousness and I clearly remember a time when I was very unconscious and probably at my worst.  But I felt wrong.  I knew I was missing something, but I didn’t know what it was.  I was in a foggy unclear haze and had to find my way out.  

I wasn’t living to my full potential and it felt so unsatisfying.  Yet, no one can tell you what your full potential is.  Many things in society are designed to trap and capture your awareness, which is your most valuable asset. You have to break free of this and go searching for your full potential, despite other people not understanding and even challenging what you’re doing. Then, through trial and error you get closer and closer to it.  After many years of searching, failing, trying, other people cease to have power over what I believe (to a degree anyway, after all we have to live in a society).  They can no longer influence what I see as possible.  I stopped living from their point of view and slowly, over time have developed my own.  I no longer have to confirm with others when I make a decision.  Though I often get other’s opinions, just to get a few different perspectives.  I’ll ask someone what they would do in a given situation. I think this is very different from getting confirmation or validation from others. I feel different, more sure of myself somehow.  I don’t need to ask someone what’s possible.  I can feel it, in my gut, when I need to do something.  Somehow I know.  I think some of this comes with age and maturity.

It seems like this is the point or one of the points of life.  You’re born, ignorant and unaware.  You are shaped and conditioned.  But at some point, you can wake up from all that .  You can be the person you were meant to be, the unique perspective that is you and just you, made up from all you have encountered and overcome in life.  It’s actually really amazing and kind of mysterious.   

I didn’t know my full potential early on in life and I still don’t, it’s an ongoing process.  But I’ve always had a creative ability and a musical ability.  These things just weren’t valued, encouraged or recognized by those around me.  At some point, I had to find out for myself.  I realized no one is going to do what’s best for me.  In fact, if you really pay attention you’ll see that what makes you happy often matters very little to others. After all, others can’t get into your mind and they can have different ideas about happiness.  Now I remind myself, that I can get other people’s feedback, but always consider that it’s from their perspective and worldview.  Any decision I make will lead to consequences that I need to deal with, not the people who gave me advice or told me what to do. You need to play your own game or you will be playing someone else’s.