I will be 40 this year and I can’t believe it! I used to dread getting ‘old’ and often resisted revealing my age. It was as if I was embarrassed to be over 30. How ridiculous! But now that I’m at a place that I used to think was ancient, I no longer feel that way : ) For me, my 30s was a time of unbelievable growth as a person, far beyond what I could have expected or even thought was possible! Here’s what I learned in my 30s and it will only increase from here. 

1. Have a Growth Mindset - Looking back now, I see the most miserable time for me was when I had a fixed mindset earlier in life. I wish I could have changed this in my childhood because things would have been even better for me if I had. I started breaking out of this in my mid 20s. But, I actually proved to myself that the fixed mindset was wrong by: switching careers, learning piano and guitar, singing, songwriting and actually improving my art. All this I did mostly in my 30s. It seems like most people have a fixed mindset and it’s so depressing to see this. Don’t get trapped in that or you’ll just waste your life. I realized that I am capable of more than I ever dreamed and I’m just getting started! And this is true for each and every person out there.
   
2. Be Selfish – By selfish I mean really just stop caring what people think, stop people pleasing and focus on yourself. Easier said than done, but it needs to be unwired in your mind. Instead of wasting energy on other people, looking at what they do, talking about them like you have nothing better to do- spend a significant amount time figuring out what you actually love to do and want out of YOUR life. Don’t ask others and don’t get their opinions. No one else has the answer of what you want in your life. People pleasing comes from insecurity and will NEVER get you anywhere you want to be.
   
3. Know Who to Walk Away From - I used to be ‘nice’ because that was how I was conditioned to be. It was fear based, thoughtless, automatic, and unconscious. This conditioning happens because it benefits others, not you. It makes you agreeable, easy to take advantage of and easy to have others’ agendas forced on you. *It’s not bad to be agreeable, you just have to be careful. Getting along with others is a valuable skill, but you can take it too far to the point of wanting approval, avoiding confrontation and fearing what other people think.
   I fell for the idiot compassion thing a few times, but eventually I woke up. You can’t ever fix other people’s problems- they have to do it. That’s the growth part of life. It’s not your job and you don’t owe anyone anything and vice versa. No one owes me anything! I don’t expect things from others. If I wont do something for myself, why would anyone else???? If someone’s drama encroaches on your life, it’s vital to question if that’s truly what you want and see the long term consequences of that. This takes some thought, because society often tells you otherwise. But, if you think about it and pay attention, chances are you will see that you only have access to your own mind, and your own actions. Why not focus on your own life?
    
4. Develop Strong Boundaries – Decide what you want to spend time on independently and stick with it. This is difficult, because often you get push back from others who don’t share your values. But it’s required to live the life you want to live and to have control over your own life. People in my life don’t value art and music. I used to think I needed the support of others, but I don’t care anymore. I will tell someone to FUCK OFF if they aren’t at very least tolerant of the things I care about the most. They don’t have to like these things, but I wont tolerate any kind of discouragement.
   
5. Health is the Most Important Thing – It’s my number 1 value. Before my 30s, I took my good health for granted. I was never very unhealthy, but I realized after tearing my meniscus that lack of exercise, ignoring nutrition and body maintenance has serious consequences. If your body doesn’t get the exercise, minerals, vitamins, nutrition it needs – it wont work correctly! This is guaranteed to lead to serious health issues later on in life. It amazes me that our society seems to just ignore this.
   
6. Self Actualization is the Point – What better purpose to have in life than to develop yourself to the highest potential possible? To learn about the world we are in and about life. To find your own path, not the one assigned to you by others. To find out who you actually are, what you are capable of is the point, at least for me.
   
7. Don’t be a Mindless Consumer and Be Careful With Your Hard Earned $$$– This is a big one. Consumerism is meant to fill a void and enslave you! When you gradually stop participating in it by saving instead of spending, you need to shift your focus to something else. It is a very difficult thing to realize when you start seeing this. It’s uncomfortable and most people aren’t doing this. Will you change or just keep distracting yourself? What will it be for you? To me, it’s so much more exciting to do something other than mindlessly pissing away money to impress others while working a job you probably don’t truly care about. Money is one of the few tools you can use to gain control over your life and achieve financial independence to various degrees. Few things are more valuable than using money correctly and being smart financially. It’s a skill worth developing and it pays massive dividends.
   
8. Realized How Great My Family Actually is - I wish I realized this 30 years ago. I have great parents and I am so fortunate. We didn’t always get along. They didn’t spoil me or pretend that the world was something it wasn’t. They were a bit tough, but I realize now that’s what good parents are like. They didn’t try to be my friends and appease me or kiss my ass, they were parents. They were responsible for me. Now, as an adult, I can also see them as friends.  Also, I wish I had been closer to my sister and spent more time with her when we were kids. We are good friends now and have been for a long time, but she’s moved away and now I see her much less 🙁
    
9. Planning and Goals are so Important- Do you really want to reach the end of your life and regret not doing the things you wanted to do? Or not even knowing what it was you would have liked to do until you’re too old to do it? Just planning by itself can turn your life around. Having a direction, no matter what it is, can only help you. There’s a saying it’s better to do something, anything, than do nothing. Because if you do nothing, you learn nothing, you don’t grow. To plan, you need some objectives or goals. Otherwise, why plan? For me, it’s motivating. I love having a checklist, even for each day and crossing out those items feels so satisfying.
   
10. University Was Just The Beginning - I thought college would be the end of my learning. But I soon found out afterwards that it was only the beginning. A few years after finishing my first degree, I ended up back at school pursuing another degree. But much more important than that, is the learning you do on your own. Especially now with the internet.  I love researching things I find interesting. There are so many amazing people to learn from. You can learn most things online, from the comfort of your home. I did the Milan Art Mastery program online a few years ago and it was great. I learned just as much, if not more than courses I’ve taken in person.

I’m sure I could keep going, but I’ll stop here. These aren’t in any particular order, they are all important to me. I am so thankful to have made it this far in life. I try to stay positive, but life is not easy! It sometimes gets me down, but then I remember my values and that there’s always more to learn and work towards. I know as I get older the chances of death being around the corner increase every year. But I look back and feel good about my life. I’ve done most of the things I wanted to do and if I died tomorrow, I would have few regrets. I hope to do much more and am planning to have at least 40 more years, maybe more????? ; )